Negatives

Have you ever looked around you and actually seen how much negative energy is constantly circling you?   It amazes me every day...wars, fighting, murders, anger, hate, frustration....and the list goes on and on and on.  I can't turn the TV on without hearing the horrors of life, whether in this  country or far abroad.  Doesn't anyone realize it takes so much less energy to be "happy" and "positive" about life and things around you, then it does to be negative and fight everything daily?  Fortunately, for me, I have finally realized that I can be happy, even if surrounded by negative thought processes around me.  I just wake up "happy" to have been given another beautiful day of life and I do my best to respect each moment that day gives to me.  I see the beauty in the sky and its incredible brilliant blue shades.  I hear the fox pups yelping in the woods for Mom to get food - Now!  I hear the quiet that the first of the day offers.  I guess that is the part that makes it so easy for me to be positive with the world and people around me.  I take that moment to have quiet and reflect on me and what my day may bring to me.  I don't have expectations of the day that would allow me to be negative by the end of the day, if it didn't work out the way I thought it should.  Each day is given to us, to appreciate and respect and love.

Winter - Snow - Depression??????

Wow....so OK.....hold on.....it is coming!!!!  That is SPRING.....has to be coming right around the corner.  Now for those of you who live in sunny places, like San Diego, California..this story may have little to no meaning.  But can you just try to imagine.  Waking up.....opening your eyes...feeling the joy of a brand new day....and oooooops....all you see if white and gray.  No sunshine...no brilliant reds, yellows, pinks and even the simple one of green...like grass???  It has been proven that people suffer from sun deprevation...causing depression....and I, personally, know that is true.  I NEED sunshine and this winter is totally taking its toll.  Last week we actually had a couple of days  that I sat with the door of our truck open and soaked up the warmth coming into my body from sunshine.  It was the feeling of a re-birth...but now today....the moment of pleasure has been pulled from me.  Over 12" of snow in the past 24 hours and snowing, again, at this moment.  Yes, I know...just close my eyes - breath - remember - and feel the warmth within me.  I now am able to do that, but it still isn't the same when I open my eyes.
Iut it still feels like a "yo-yo" of life (which, by the way, I have spent many too many past years on) ...one day I can reach and feel what is good to me and the next it is taken away. I know this sounds like I am complaining and whinny...ok, so maybe I am a little.  Each and everyone one of us...is entitled to a little whinning.  Now this is just the weather that we are talking about this morning, but what if it isn't the weather causing us such confusion.  At least I know that shortly the weather has to change and has to give me what I require, but what if the life situation we are in is not giving us what we need and we see no chance of a change in the future.  I have managed to step aside of the life things that have constantly brought me to a state of depression.  Now, as with the weather, I can look out the window..see it and then tuck myself safely inside the warmth of our home and forget the weather.  At least for a moment of time.  Of, course I have to deal with it when I look out the window, but I can forget about it for a few moments at a time.  I think that people in relationships, sometimes, "tuck" themselves away, just to avoid what is outside their window.  We can always do that for short periods of time, but we can't do that "tuck" for a lifetime.  At some point we need to feel whole.  We need to be able to look at our lives and not have to "tuck" ourselves away.  We need to be able to look at our mates and feel happiness and warmth from within side of ourselves.  So just for today...look around you....open your eyes....look out your window......reach for that inner sunshine and truely feel the warmth....hold on to it.  Maybe you can only get there for a couple of minutes today...and maybe tomorrow you can hold it for five minutes...but if you keep reaching into yourself...you will eventually be able to hold yourself in warmth and not have to live your life "tucked".   Think about one good happy time in your life and don't let go...add more happy times to each days thoughts.   Your thought maybe only a passing moment when stranger looked and you and smiled...or a favorite Christmas present you recieved as a child....Ok, I know you got it now....so go for it...."un-tuck" for today...

Edit

Can you believe it?  I really do know what that word "edit" means and I really should "edit" my blogs.  But unfortunately, I do not and I just write what comes out of my heart and place it here in my blog.  I do not spend hours correcting or wondering if it is correct.  I know, for myself,  my thoughts are correct, so what if the spelling, grammer, etc isn't always perfect.  I believe that it goes along with life.  Life isn't perfect and those of us living in life are not perfect.  Can you imagine..what if we could, the next day, sit and edit the previous day.  Ok, so I didn't do it just right....no problem..edit..Ok all good, now I am perfect.  Or I didn't like the meal I ordered..no problem...just correct your error by pushing the "edit" button and all is good.  Unfortunately life isn't that simple.  We are going to make errors, that is what gives us the excitment of life.  Errors are what makes us think and decide, was that really the way I wanted it.? Life does give us the opportunity to change.  We can change jobs, we can change relationships, we can change our hair, but we cannot change, "edit", the things we have done in the past.  We cannot blame ourselves or sit back and wish for the click of the "edit" button.  I find, that usually, if I just go with my first instinct, and not sit and question it, that I do not have to wish for the "edit" button.  So for today...just go for it....do what feels right.....share your love.....open your heart....stumble with the excitment.....and just be happy with yourself and do not worry about the "edit" button!!

Friends

I just marvel at the times in my life that I have "misplaced" a friend.  Ok, I didn't actually misplace them, but our lives took different directions in our road of lives.  But the weird part is, how many times the roads end up connecting again.  I have always felt that we are handed a road the day we are born and that we will continue on that road until the end of our current lifes' journey.  You know, "the born to die" routine.   I have found, that with all the intersections that our lives cross, that some of them cross back again.  Now how does it work, when I believe that I was handed a straight line and, of course, everyone else has their straight line...how does it work that these lines can cross over again.  Years can pass by and then all of a sudden a person from my past becomes my current and my future again.  I believe that it is because, when we have good people, that have been close to us, that we just respect the space of the other person.  We respect the space that we need for ourselves as a person and in doing so, sometimes we must temporarily loose contact with friends.  But these people are the ones that once you re-contact, it is like you have never been away from them.  You pick up the conversation just like it was yesterday that you spoke.  Ok, here it is....good friends are always good friends.  They don't have to constantly push into your space to be a good friend and vise versa..you into their space.  But this wonderful journey of life....will continue to cross your roads together.  So embrass the re-contact and feel the good fortune you have.  Do not remiss on the times lost, but the times you have.  And maybe for today...you can contact that friend that you have missed...just like I did this morning.  It is a deep warm feeling to know that "close" is still there.

Excitment!

I must admit I have been very lazy getting back to writting in my blog.  I so enjoy putting my thougths onto paper, but sometimes I am not sure where the time goes.  I think life can be, like, going to a job, that you do not find any satisfaction in.  Or taking a long car ride and all you see is a repetitous row of trees. Now those always seem to take forever...the statements of "will this day ever be over?" I can remember so many days that I also had these feelings.  Today I remorse for the time I have wished away.  The days of "please get it over with".  I feel these feelings came from my own personal inner dissatisfication.  It may be that we have just not reached the point in our lives that we are "happy" or should be "happy" or want to "happy".  It may be that we have not looked around to realize that we just can be "happy".

Ok, now to the point......FINALLY I am happy with life and with who I am as a person.  I am excited to wake up every day and I just can't seem to accomplish everything that I want to get done.  I watch days just race past me.  I sometimes feel I am watching a Nascar race with the cars hitting the tracks at a 180 to 200 miles an hour.   I have projects that I have started and want to complete...I have family and friends that I want to visit....I have quiet time that I treasure....I have so much to give and to feel and to see, that I fear I will miss something.  I have learned that "no" time should be rushed away..that every moment should be treasured...that every job is important....that every breath we take is valuable....it is the "excitment of life---the ENERGY IN LIFE", that I now possess and feel with my every moment.  It is the most wonderful feeling in the world to have inner peace and happiness.  It is there for all of us, we just have look at it, see it, feel it and not be afraid to touch it. 

So, instead of going to work today, and spending your time wishing the day was over...be "happy" with your ability to do the job, be "happy" that once that part of your day is completed that there are more minutes to be valued.  Do not get angry at the fact that you "have to do this job"...be excited that there is a job that needs you to do it...be happy.....smile....and as always....breathe!!!!

Balance with others

It is one extremely COLD mornng here in lovely New Hampshire.  As the sun was attempting to work its way up into the sky, the temperature was sitting at 5 below zero.  At least there wasn't any wind to bring the temperature down something that should only be read about in books. Winter is always such a hard time of year to deal with...sometimes I feel like I have been put into solitary confinement.  It is a great time to get chores inside the home worked on and completed.  It is a wonderful time to sit quietly and reflect on yourself and on others around.  But what if the others around you, have a tendency to consume your quiet space?  How do you maintain a completion of yourself, when being pulled by others?  How does one obtain and maintain personal balance, when others are out of balance?  Why is it that some of us, get a clue as to survival and personal happiness in life (two totally different subjects) , while others just wonder around without even beginning to understand there is something as wonderful as personal happiness?   I have watched friends who keep themselves in journeys of total sadness, confusion and personally invoked pain.  They contantly return to negative, angry, fighting relationships verses understanding that they can and should have a better way of living and thinking about life.
 So as I was attempting to sleep last night...all of these questions and more kept circling my brain.  Faster - slower  -- faster --- slower....my ending consideration of balance for this is to just keep close to myself...try to side-step and avoid the negatives that keep being brought back into my home.  Attempt to be constant with who I am, and where I am...so, hopefully, a different path of life can be shared.  I mustn't ever allow myself to be drawn into the negative way of thinkings...I must constantly know that I am good and that other people's problems should not directly affect me.  I must be supportive, loving and caring (which is way too easy for me to do) and understand that is my path in life, at this point, of my life.  When we are not happy with life, I have always said "well just change it" ...after many years I have understood that "the just change it" doesn't always happen that way.  What I have missed is when you spend too much energy into changing things you missed the things that have already changed.  Use what is around you.. see the goodness that is truely there for you.  Don't allow yourself to be drawn into the self-pity routine of the "poor me's", "the drinking to feel better or not to feel at all", "the "it must be someone else's fault", the "life isn't fair"....yeap I know them all...been there...felt that....and have great humilty to the understanding I now have around me.  There is always pleasure---no matter who you are or where you are.
 Several years ago, my son was in the Navy and was stationed in Waukegan, Illinios.  It was cold, he was alone, the class he was suppose to be in was cancelled.  He hated everything about his station and was nearly considering running away from his responsibilty. When I talked with him, his answer was always..."this place sucks, there is nothing here, it is terrible...etc", so Mom jumps a  plane and goes to Waukegan.  We went for drives, we saw beautiful areas that he had never opened his eyes to see.  The most beautiful was a dome shaped temple. The grounds were manicured to perfection and it was peaceful.  There was a natural state of personal revival.   As my visit ended and I was to return home, I reminded my son, that he only had to drive around the corner to the temple (now we were not religous, but spritual) and find his beautiful inner-self.  To this day, I do not know if he ever directly went back to the temple, but I am sure that he held that moment close to him throughout his military tour and probably even to today.   There is always a time in our lives that we have felt complete and safe, so when you are finding yourself lost and confused, take that moment,  close your eyes and feel that wonderful experience.  It will take away the current fenzy of life around you and wrap you safe.  It will give you the break you need to continue with the daily 'positive" breathes that we breath.

"The Get To's"

I must tell you that being organized has never been one of my best qualities.  It has always been - put it here, put it there, take care of it later...well, I find that most of us tend to do that with our lives.  I will get to: taking care of me, I will get to the gym, I will get to the class I want to take, but way too often - "the get to's" just don't happen.  I feel that it is because we end up building such a big pile of "get to's" that it is almost impossible to get enough energy to just start getting there.  It is such a circle...we want to get it done, but then there is so much to do, that it is just easier to keep piling things onto the pile.  This goes with our inner personal lives, as well as the closets that are over-flowing.  I find that when my tangeable items are out of order, it is nearly impossible for me to focus on the harmony of my inner- self.  When I have too much clutter around me, it also adds clutter to my mind.  So for the New Year, I have started to clean out all the clutter.  One drawer at a time, one closet, one box....but with each sorted item...my mind gets clearer and cleaner every day.  I look everything and decide if it is something that I need to take and have with me.  The amazing part is, with every tangeable item, there is also an emotional item that is getting cleared.  Understanding of myself and who I am is awakening with my every effort.   Projects that I once thought were important, no longer are necessary.  So for today, lets just try to clear one thing out of our lives.  Maybe it is a pile of laundry that is folded, but not touch for days...maybe you need to look at that and decide if it is something you really want...or is it time to remove this clutter from your life.  Maybe it is the car that you jump into everyday, that takes you to your job, and you start your day out with "YICK", as it needs to be cleaned.  Please yourself today...with just one removal of clutter..Let's work our way to finding the balance of ourselves.